Only a poet Can accurately describe anything More accurately A poet can describe anything Except himself

The worst part about giving every kid in little league a trophy is the way it has emptied all the… out of acquiring

The first half of life: Did I say that? The second half of life: I did say that The end of life:

For the longest time we were convinced there’s something they’re not tell… But now that they’ve finally told… we can’t stop asking

Time is a one way road that only goes forward so that you know which direction t… but you can still go the wrong way down a one way road

Now that mindfulness is the official state religion the attention economy will be centrally planned

If we had our druthers We would be insufferable Instead, we suffer As if desire were a curse And not our saving grace

I’ve started blind copying my wife on emails to myself

Somehow we evolved to love a challenge but hate a challenge to our thinking

When did we ditch the Pledge of Allegiance for the wedge of a grievance

Question: What do you want the mo… Answer: The most. This is how you know The devil is always cheating you Because desire is neither

I’m not afraid of rejection– Life is a series of rejections Until you learn that Life goes on I’m afraid of abject humiliation

It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval

The fox is in both henhouses– Yours and your neighbor’s– Because the roosters standing guar… Have turned on one another Plucking each other’s eyes out

You can’t call timeout in soccer But you can fake an injury You can’t call timeout in life But you can fake yourself out By believing you’ve faked us all o…