At the end of life you can either say I brought it or I bought it
If my peccadillos Are mere cigarillos Why is my hide as thick as an arma…
My social medi– a persona is the mime who just won’t shut up
People think that the spork didn’t include any aspects of the… because the serrated edge of the prospective all-in-one utensil kept slicing open the focus group…
Physically unscathed after a life of piracy he was forced to lean heavily on his emotional scarring
God gives us what is necessary but not sufficient because nothing is ever sufficient
The ego always has three choices: 1. It can listen to the id and do what it wants to do 2. It can listen to the superego a… what it is supposed to do
I could do a passable moonwalk in socks on linoleum but if I put on one glove I had to take off one sock
I won’t rest ‘til O– prah puts me on the cover of her magazine
Starting gun to my head I’ll finish what you started And run the race By running in place
I tried doing everything right Until I dug a hole Took a right turn at Albuquerque And realized There are no straight lines in my…
Thanks to his bifocals Ben Franklin could see that while we might look like bald… up close we’re clearly turkeys
I was happily feeding at the trough when I noticed it had been filled with finger food
And so I wake in the morning and I stay inside and I take a deep breath and I let out a sigh and I stream from the top of my ru…
I may not be the man who has everything but I’m the man who knows what to get for the man who has everything