Hook-up apps have given intimacy all the allure of an oil change

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

Beliefs and behavior are the real… One leads to another And we have no idea How it all started Our name for that lacuna is God

When I started telling my employe… Apologies in advance! they still felt compelled by decor… No apologies needed which was how I ended exploitation

The saying goes There’s no I in team But there is a me And it’s because You give yourself to the team

It’s counterintuitive but refusing to make hard choices only to see them made on your beha… by the loudest voices still counts as being hoisted by y…

If I could put Just one thing In a time capsule It would be A crystal ball

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

The American cure for the boredom of meaninglessness is not to pursue meaning but to outpace boredom which is why our mass nihilism

God is infinitely demanding (MC… Because (=) God is infinitely rewarding (E)

It was always true that if you tried to save the relationship by looking the other way eventually they’d want to be

I was voluntold to make myself sca… But scarcely do they realize In pretending to give me a choice They have unwittingly given me an… Truth or dare?

Now that I’m wearing a mask I find myself telling strangers everything

Civilization began when a discussion group convened to debate the meaning of the phras… The less said, the better

I’m the kind of guy Who doesn’t ride a motorcycle But always wears a leather helmet