Upon dying peacefully in my sleep surrounded by family after a long, prosperous life the Grim Reaper looked at me and… I’m glad to see you’ve arrived saf…
God is a verb Woman is a noun And man is an adjective Put them together and you have Moderate
The decisive moment at the gates o… is exactly like the denouement in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? but with one twist To make you feel the pressure
Self-inflicted wounds Are those that result from Trying to cut yourself off from G… Because that is impossible So, you just end up cutting yourse…
After years of therapy the stump came to see that there was an I, two even, in the giving tree
I can never remember street names navigating strictly by landmarks taking left turns just past abandoned doughnut shops impugning me to keep my marriage
Loving others is the only sure sou… Why do we love them? Just for being there and enabling…
I was caught between a rock and a hard place unable to decide on a way out Instead, you decided on me
Every story has side effects but the side effects from true sto… may be life threatening
And then it hit me: My lone flaw is not admitt– ing to any flaws
The real miracle is that While you can’t believe without im… You can fake it ‘til you make it Revealing the passage towards beli… Belying your disbelief with the ac…
In the latest version of doublespe… A rhetorical question Is shrouded in a question
What do all apples have in common? It only takes one rotten apple to… Because all apples are unique But a mob of apples are uniquely b…
I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny
Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know
