I’ve gone from being an embarrassm… To having an embarrassment of rich… What is my wealth? Being who I am Because I Am Who I Am

Father knows best practice is to ask your mother

People will only tell the truth when they think they can get away with it For example, perjury laws only wor… by publicly threatening jail time

My wife and I have remained happi… because she recognizes me as capta… as long as I acknowledge her as air traffic control

Every strength comes with a weakne… So, when a recent headline said “Is Xi Jinping all-powerful or we… it demonstrated that our greatest… is the ability to ask a stupid que…

It was always true that if you tried to save the relationship by looking the other way eventually they’d want to be

The ugly duckling Is not a duck But he is a lucky duck

We expect a fiduciary relationship with our financial advisors and all they do is help handle the money Yet we so often fail

We like to think That the solution to our problems Is coming together As one human family When this whole time

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

On the internet You have to talk the talk Or you have to walk the plank In the world to come You have to talk the talk

As long as there have been people there have been people wearing mas… the difference now is that each mask comes with an entire cos…

Every ego is a God complex And like you I almost had myself convinced that I am who I am

You know you must die and yet you must live You can never know if you’re right and yet you must choose So it’s not

Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know