To get into heaven they tell you that you have to answer one question correctly and that there are

The state of nature, where there’s Something for everyone To fear Monotheism, where there’s Something for everyone

The truth is true Is a tautology The truth is untried and true Is an etiology

I wear black socks On the outside Because black is how I feel In the onside

Life is a movie in which childhood is a sequel to your pare… adulthood is a prequel for your ch… and making it to old age is living in a spin-off

God is a verb Woman is a noun And man is an adjective Put them together and you have Moderate

At first everyone was to be followed by a p… to protect us from terrorists or kill us if we were terrorists But then it was decided that

All of the lakes are great But one of the lakes is superior

I’ve started blind copying my wife on emails to myself

The decisive moment at the gates o… is exactly like the denouement in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? but with one twist To make you feel the pressure

We’ve gone from treating people as a means to an end to using them as props for pretend

There was no end in sight but we put an end to that by losing our sight And all we could hear was the sound of violence

God is equal parts Ardor and candor But we can’t get a handle on True love

No one wanted to wear augmented reality goggles until our design team hit upon the idea of making them look

My shampoo is nine– ty nine percent natural, as if that were enough