The bell curve is the Serpent With the lump in the middle Who ate Adam and Eve By convincing us we’re all mostly… But we’ve proven indigestible

It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval

Until the company’s weekend retrea… I didn’t know that my leadership s… was like never having braces but still wearing a retainer

Nobody invents themselves so we’re left to choose between perfecting or reinventing ourselve… Nobody’s perfect of course

They weren’t allowed to forcibly i… but in 2032 the Supreme Court app… for those who refused In a stroke of luck I was assigne… to the “Canadian” tar sands

1. Make so much money you could he… 2. Remind yourself that “there’s n… 3. Tell yourself you need to feed… 4. Eat like kings

Everyone has a shoe size and a city size– I wear an 11 and a half and a 600,000

A heart can only beat in synch with another A broken heart still beats because God keeps the time– just as He keeps us–

Because I never learned anything… I learned the hard way that it’s the only way to learn anything at all

The only way to avoid giving the man who has everything more of the same is to give him nothing

We went from wearing galoshes over… to wearing galoshes over our shoes… to wearing galoshes as shoes and now we wear galoshes over galo…

If my peccadillos Are mere cigarillos Why is my hide as thick as an arma…

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

We’ve got enough to go on That there’s enough for everybody So long as we are tough enough But we couldn’t leave well enough… And soon enough

When we had bodies they called us extras which was short for extraneous though our negligible status lent a degree of latitude