I won’t rest ‘til O– prah puts me on the cover of her magazine

The trick is to craft a conformism so elaborate that you convince yourself it’s bespoke

My analyst says I want to have my cake and put it in a time capsule too

When an American marries into a brood of Scots it’s a matter of when and not if we overdo it with the family tarta…

My matchmaker couldn’t find me any… but she suggested I go to the bing… and focus on the woman who played the most cards per game

In cyberspace Nothing remains to be seen Because the fourth dimension isn’t… It’s money

Asked to account for his success w… he explained that he drives his ca… like he won it on The Price Is R…

When I started telling my employe… Apologies in advance! they still felt compelled by decor… No apologies needed which was how I ended exploitation

I have what I need I know what I want I do all that I can until my day… My God does all the rest Or

In a great leap forward Nanotech reduced life To avoiding death By turning life Into a video game

My organizing principle Is that everyone wants to be princ… Unless they realize that God is p… And that for God Everyone is principal

The Declaration of Independence w… revised to guarantee life, security and the pursuit of criminals

It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval

At first moving heaven and earth is its own reward because it’s hell on wheels But self-flagellation

The Bad News Bears Bear the bad news That people tend to kill the messe… They are the bearers of bad news Not because they bear bad news