It’s not that you’re jeal– ous, but that you guard your jeal– ousy jealously

Thanks to his bifocals Ben Franklin could see that while we might look like bald… up close we’re clearly turkeys

As the enormous asteroid hurtled toward Earth I found myself working harder than ever

My ego is too big

Jews will tell you Right up front That they believe They are the chosen people WASPs believe that they believe

Thinking that the purpose of life… things looked good enough on the s… to believe that my life was 24-karat gold Who knew that the purpose of beaut…

Finding themselves at court in a r… for a body politic gone mad withou… aides could only hope to exploit h… bias in lieu of appeals to his dec…

It’s when all the signs say Everything must go

Who says ye cannae change the laws… Where before Every action had An equal and opposite reaction Now every reaction

With the same hubris That got us into this mess In the first place We like nothing more than to decla… Global warming is man-made

The funny thing is if you’re continually nervous about getting into a wreck you become a nervous wreck and then

As bumbling first mate to his capt… Gilligan wasn’t in charge But he was the star of the show Which is how the male ego understa…

The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them

In East Germany they had a planned economy and an old joke: I pretend to work You pretend to pay me

I’ve long since stopped working on myself but I work overtime on my curated self