The distance between zero and one is infinitely greater than the distance between one and infinity

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

At the end of life you can either say I brought it or I bought it

I couldn’t believe that my first e… was still carrying a torch for me and then I saw all my other ex’s b… carrying a pitch fork

We’ve gone from individuals distinguishing themselves from the… begging to differ– “Whatever it is, I’m against it”- to groups

I can’t just let go of my past I have to lose a tug of war and get third degree rope burns

Unlike Saul, when the scales fell from my eyes I learned I was a serpent, sheddi…

Whenever an authority figure says It’s my way or the highway I end up wanting to have it both w…

I don’t know what being alone with your thoughts is like for you but for me it’s like I’m watching them

I have a prediction to make: We can’t predict the ending But when it’s all said and done Everything will seem obvious For example,

When life gives you A bottomless pit Fill it with Bottomless fries

The sign used to say: Gentlemen may remove their hats All others must Now it reads: Ladies and gentlemen may wear thei…

To get into heaven they tell you that you have to answer one question correctly and that there are

I have not loved my neighbor as my… but I have consistently greeted hi… with an insouciant bonhomie

The pandemic lockdowns were the pa… and penultimate nonevent because o… limits of human imagination– We could only imagine shutting everything down