What do you call a wolf in sheep’s clothing who believes you are what you wear? The ruling class

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

The B is silent in subtle but spo… B-cause a B-ing B-comes human by saying the quiet… The B-all and end-all Is the B-ginning and the end

The liberal who makes an illiberal… inevitably wants to have it both w… thereby tightening his own double… I must be free to have power over… but

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

Guilt is intolerable which is why “I can explain everything” is processed into “I have a theory which explains ev…

The pandemic lockdowns were the pa… and penultimate nonevent because o… limits of human imagination– We could only imagine shutting everything down

If people tell you what they plan to do and you don’t believe them it’s because pretending they don’t really mean it

Human beings are social creatures because even though we can only ever talk to ourselves it works better when we talk to ou… in the presence of others

My matchmaker couldn’t find me any… but she suggested I go to the bing… and focus on the woman who played the most cards per game

If you do the right thing you won’t be rewarded but you will be enabled

We had a perfect plan for putting the genie back in the bottle but to get the genie out we had shattered the bottle

The internet is the opposite of th… When a memory is repressed you get it back even though you can’t remember it But when it is memory-holed

When people meet me they typically think I’m a sensitive guy but later they realize I’m a time sensitive guy