In all the many years
and travels of my life
I’ve shed my share of tears
and bore decision’s strife
but, a week ago today
my heart was thrown away
and I’m doing what I can
to take it like a man
it’s a road I’ve never trod
a new and bitter pill
that my heart is easy target
fodder for the kill
that in each of you I saw
a loving port in storm
a kindred camaraderie
where heart was safe and warm
but life will teach us lessons
and I’ve learned so acutely
that I am not one of you
who jabbed so resolutely
I have come to understand
I am to listen and not speak
that because I will not bend
I am trivial and weak
I know that I was wrong
and I understand my place
is to bow to the bong
and never show my face
that importance is assigned
to those who come to pass
that I do not indulge
so I must be the ass
that my ranking in the group
is easily assigned
that the dutchie rules the troop
and that I am misaligned
that I should come to none of you
with problems of my own
or expect your understanding
when I feel alone
and as my eyes have opened
an awakening complete
I am happy to admit
that I cannot compete
so I’m picking up the pieces
of who I used to be
and accepting that I have no place
in what I once called we
and this evaluation
is perhaps proactive leap
to affect my preservation
and help me build my keep
but I must make admittance
of facts I could not see
that reaching out is vain
when there’s no one there but me
I know now my pain was mine
and entertainment for the toke
I know my trust and reaching out
only fed the joke
I’m sorry for expecting
that you value me the same
I don’t pass to left or right
so I must be to blame
I know that I must quietly
endure my own as mine
keep the pain inside of me
and toe my scripted line
I know that I am friend in need
and that my own are moot
I realize that in your eyes
reciprocation doesn’t suit
my lessons though distasteful
I hope will make me strong
and keep me from becoming
all that I see as wrong
for I know I cannot trust
acceptance on condition
that who I am is who I am
not an aberration
so with this life’s epiphany
I vow to you anew
that I love you all implicitly
for that is what I do
and I shall never burden
nor strain your circle’s bond
I’ll keep my pain in check
with me just beyond.