When I filter my selfie it becomes a safie

I was the first ever lobster discovered in the wild with a rubber band around my claw clamping it shut

My dissertation defense fell apart even as I read my title– The Bronze Age: A Golden Age of…

I still believe that anything is possible It’s just that now nothing would surprise me

I am going to delay early retirement until everyone is middle class

How much Are you willing to sacrifice For what You cannot have

Counterintuitively AI’s two primary tasks– No one will ever get bored And Nothing will ever happen–

Liberalism deepened by religion Religion widened by liberalism Until the body and soul politic Is so deep That it swallows our fears

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

In 2019 KLM Airlines began advertising that you should take the train instead; it felt like being asked to open up the marriage

In the 2020 reboot Bugs Bunny’s persona has shifted from invulnerable trickster to pseudo-empathic scold

I thought I’d crafted a mystique when all I’d rea– lly made were mistakes

To avoid road rage all rearview mirrors have been replaced by screens displaying a real-time computerize… of the way things ought to be

Higher education purports to prepare you for life when really it exists to indebt you for life, expanding campus ideology

As the enormous asteroid hurtled toward Earth I found myself working harder than ever