Science was happily letting the cat out of the bag until Schrodinger’s Cat was found in and out of the bag at the same time

Solitary confinement is cruel and unusual punishment which is why they lock the cell but if they put you in solitary confinement

Like a real life Picture of Dorian Gray my hair stays full even as my act wears thin

We confuse freedom for the act of choosing when our frontal lobe has no choice but to choose just as a heart must beat

Most people can get away with sweeping a few things under the ru… but when I started working at the… I couldn’t help noticing how the rugs looked like

Just because we’re not in control Doesn’t mean we’re out of control The rest is commentary

My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so

If you want to remain married one partner should stay busy moving the goalposts while the other focuses on running out the clock

There is only one product but infinite ways to package it

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

A man starts out lying for instant gratification Inevitably, this progresses to buy… his unending rationalizations

Paper comes from trees but when money was made of paper we all agreed that money doesn’t grow on trees

As you age getting enough exercise in futility becomes more and more a portent

It wasn’t false modesty exactly You might call it un-unpretentious if you were being pretentious

In the real world there is no plot to speak of but plot devices everywhere