A charmed half-life is the time taken to lower your expectations to half their original value

When they shut down Ringling Bros… a down on his luck clown looked into a second career as a m… but was informed that the mimes were only accepting applications f…

Much like God created the univers… Where before there was no universe… In this universe we find patterns Where, upon first glance There are no apparent patterns, ju…

Lunch is born free but everywhere is in chain restaurants

In families adept at keeping open secrets no one expects you to state the obvious

When the shit hits the fan at least I know I won’t be wearing flip-flops

Our two choices are The fear of God Or the fear of death And since we gain wisdom through t… Then we must have the faith not to…

Whenever it looks like the Jews have finally been accepted by their host culture you can be sure that trouble for the Jews

The quartermaster is responsible f… and nothing more Some of you will be content to half-ass the rest of it Some of you will be willing to ris…

The makers of Fitbit Bring you the Pleasure Measure Because after you get your steps i… It’s time to get your fun done!

We’ve been traveling down a street… Post-enlightenment Secular Materi… And the thing about a dead-end str… Is that it seems like any other st… Until you come to the dead end

When we restrict someone’s space i… we say that they are doing time implying that the rest of us are doing spacetime You do time

My biggest mistake In fantasy football Is expecting today To be like yesterday Come to think of it

The second hardest thing in life Is facing the facts The hardest thing in life Is knowingly ignoring the facts So, people do the easy thing and i…

Scarcity isn’t a lack of abundance– it results from overabundance which enables hoarding