The devil’s one job Is making you an offer You can’t refuse And there’s only one thing The devil can’t offer

To those who say they’ll keep working until they die I say don’t die–

She believed me when I said that my life was based on a true story

Everyone looks out for their own f… This is normal But looking out for your own first by dehumanizing the other for looking out for their own firs…

Just as Tastes like chicken is code for I only want chicken I don’t know what I want

It’s not that we’ve abolished death but we’ve made it a mere formality

When I was standing in the shallow end I really believed I was all in only later coming to realize

Our task is never-ending And our time is limited This is a major source of complain… But consider the opposite possibil… Our work here is done

I knew Remain was in trouble when they announced that a vote fo… was also a vote in favor of renami… Brexit McBrexitface

In my culture low hanging fruit is considered a delicacy

The logic of antisemitism Is the very same logic in witch du… When the only way the accused can… As she is dunked under water Is by sinking;

Telling ourselves half-truths Is worse than telling ourselves li… Because Although the truth will set you fr… Just as you can’t be half pregnant

My first meeting with God was ver… I knocked on the door and said “Excuse me?” God didn’t look up from what He w… As He calmly and firmly explained

In all my years as warden I could never figure out how to co… with NFPA code 14.14.1.5.1- “Access to exits shall be marked b… readily visible signs in all cases…

My wife and I have remained happi… because she recognizes me as capta… as long as I acknowledge her as air traffic control