I can forgive myself anything exce… All of my contingency planning Was contingent upon Sending a contingent of negotiator…
A man wants the mother of his children to be a chef in the kitchen “imaginative” in the bedroom a shrink in the living room
I’ve never been one who just takes… I’ve only been able to see if I s… Now I’m middle-aged, the whole wo… My rose-colored glasses have fast… Turned into reading glasses throug…
All ideas that stood the test of t… Are outdated ideas because They failed to meet our search cri… There’s no time like the present
You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…
You can’t be free of self-consciousness so you have to be free with self-consciousness; we call this condition
You cannot beat God in any sport but you can tie Him in bowling
I am simultaneously purging while binge watching TV on my Gal… by ignoring my wife and kids
God looks down and sees all of His good kids making bad choices God is one but decides to speak to us
If you want to know what the quarantine was like for me walk a mile in my new leather sweatpants
The kingdom of heaven is like a tr… where gentlemen may remove their h… while all others must
People are the opposite of baked potatoes– If you keep poking holes in their theories they will explode
Beware the self-loathing salesman who loves what he does– If you buy what he’s selling then you bought it because you broke it
The epic poem for this epoch will have to say the most with the least
Social media is a dream come true– Finally, I can keep up appearances while letting myself go