Would my dentist still want me to floss if he knew that’s how I justified not going to the dentist

I wasn’t shocked when scientists announced that a universe already infinitely… could still be expanding because I do have an ego

Having given up On heaven No one Recognizes hell

When my father-in-law dusted the cobwebs off our front p… they were back within the week It is hard to feel sorry for a spe… that has negligible capacities for…

The heat of mutual disdain that always sustained us in person has cooled with depersonalized cam… that detain us via cursor

If you’re locked out of your house you can die from exposure but if you’re locked in your house you can die from overexposure

History’s first lesson– the ABCs– is that, unless coerced not to people kill the ones they hate History’s second lesson–

Trump’s genius is his nothingness which allows him to be everything e.g., He’s America’s inside joke (American democracy was a joke lon…

Home is where you go and you have to take their shit-eating grin

It’s not about you; It’s about me– This is how you know She’s breaking up with you It’s not about you;

The only possible form of self-awareness is knowing what you want to be true

To break up with your significant other just say I need space To break it off

We thought it would last forever but in retrospect we were having a high time at low tide when the clam digging was easy and the eating was good

It’s taken me this long to underst… like Pee Wee Herman I meant to do that though I’m still unsure why Because as hard as it’s been