By Jove, the easi– est way to work on yourself is to get married

He was the kind of husband who when his wife asked him to stop sa… complied but started looking for excuses to… panda bear

I thought the Protestant work eth… I saw all the lazy rivers in peopl… until I noticed they were each swi… against the current

Not wanting to die We weren’t foolish enough To look God in the face Wanting to live forever We selectively remembered that Go…

You both cause and cure real self-… by performing fake self-loathing for an online audience The cure takes when you’ve no authentic self left

It didn’t matter that I’d been scrupulously carbon neutral; my interlocutors persisted until I realized that the desire to make… had left a vast carbon footprint o…

I hope to live several decades more making it odd to know so very well what they’ll put

The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published

The soul is an appendix made of wo… and while plenty of people function perfectly well without on… much like the physical appendix– which stores good bacteria

Maya Angelou says we have one hand to help others and one hand to help ourselves

X marks the spot where cyborgs will receive their o– ver-the-air updates

Why bother keeping score when death assures that things always end in a tie Soon you’ll be able to get rid of death

Denial was a lot easier when your head was in the clouds but your memories were stored on microfiche

What do you call a wolf in sheep’s clothing who believes you are what you wear? The ruling class

The difference between a materiali… Is that a materialist finds it rat… That dark matter and energy must b… Because it makes their calculation… But fears they’ll never find it