I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

God knows that the only thing you can give the man who has everything is another chance

Not one of us Has all the answers But we all Have all the answers Because there is only

The question isn’t: Why is there something rather than nothing? It’s: Why does it mean something

In the west Since we can’t control time We just buy more time An approach used elsewhere With equally mixed results

Seeing as I’m just the messenger It would be easier to tell you Than to show you Because words are all I’ve got But since, if I told you

I can’t guess your age but I can guess your age when you got that tattoo

You are a rope which The devil has tied up in knots Only God can help you Untie the knots When you unfurl

I always wondered if mimes were a type of clown until having my mind blown by the insight that

You and God are like socks– No matter how far apart you get You are still a pair You and God are also like pants– Even though you are forever one

Home is where you go and you have to take their shit-eating grin

The one thing postmodernists know… is that the surest way to control… is to convince people there are no… prompting an endless chain of seco… while provoking so much anxiety

The first half of life: If it ain’t broke Don’t fix it The second half of life: If you can’t fix it

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (C… Holds that there is a sequence In which an experience is followed… By a belief, a thought, and a feel… Fair enough

Life is a trial in which the more you obey the guiltier you become Miraculously