Why is there something rather than nothing? Because nothing is impossible
The heat of mutual disdain that always sustained us in person has cooled with depersonalized cam… that detain us via cursor
I’ve been racking my brains for the perfect response to accusations of perfectionism only to land at a conundrum: a confession of false modesty is
People are like whales who have gotten sick of plankton
We don’t understand our childhoods so we spend our adult lives reenacting them in the hope that an outside observer
In the first half of life I tried it your way and succeeded which is how I got over you In the second half of life I did it my way and failed
A man without an enemy is like a vampire with a reflection
The lion hasn’t lain down with the lamb if, in its slumber the lion dreams it’s a lamb
Just as Tastes like chicken is code for I only want chicken I don’t know what I want
America hates its poor now more than ever because they are the embodiment of embodiment
It could be the truth if it couldn’t go viral But it’s definitely pravda if it speeds our downward spiral
Looking back on college it’s unclear if I was a party animal party mineral or party vegetable
In families adept at keeping open secrets no one expects you to state the obvious
A record sounds the same every time you play it A broken record is intolerable because it isn’t broken, it’s just…
Both my parents were tall and I ended up a shrimp Not coincidentally, my diet has al… largely consisted of pink flamingo… though scientists insist that it’s…