I try to imagine what it was like for my wife when two lines meant positive and the closest I get is when

When we poll people about what the weather in heaven is like the most popular answer perhaps not surprisingly is like a cold day in hell

I don’t know what being alone with your thoughts is like for you but for me it’s like I’m watching them

If I were going to rephrase the O… I’d say I believe in God because There’s no better explanation And if I were going to re-explain…

When I filter my selfie it becomes a safie

It takes guts to admit you don’t belong but it’s easy to read a sign that says No admission

When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

Our thick skulls are a double-edge… Protecting our fragile brains When we are brained with an actual… Even as we are so hardheaded That the truth about our lust for…

When I started telling my employe… Apologies in advance! they still felt compelled by decor… No apologies needed which was how I ended exploitation

I wasn’t shocked when scientists announced that a universe already infinitely… could still be expanding because I do have an ego

I am going to delay early retirement until everyone is middle class

Until the company’s weekend retrea… I didn’t know that my leadership s… was like never having braces but still wearing a retainer

What if Vladimir and Estragon had actually been stalling for Godot

Originally a method for learning from mistakes science had been debased into a tool for sorting right from wrong