When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

In communist Russia no one wanted to be seen to be the first person to stop clapping for Stalin In America today

Entire lives can be lived waiting for the other shoe to drop although often this just means you’re being crushed at a snail’s…

I’m always asking God What is the meaning of life? In response, God looks at my life… What is the meaning of this?

If we’re to believe the internet a hero’s journey consists of a hero who goes on an adventure, is victorious in a decisive crisis… and comes home changed or transfor…

In the first take of Braveheart’s… Mel Gibson directed William Wall… “Freedom and responsibility!” But as a practiced antisemite Gibson quickly realized his error

God is equal parts Ardor and candor But we can’t get a handle on True love

Pressure is wanting it for someone else Passion is wanting it

Liberalism can be confused with ni… where you have to believe in nothi… or with Unitarian Universalism where you’re encouraged to believe… as much of everything as you like

People can’t really love their ene… but they sure can love the enemy of their enemy which actually gets them awful clo… to universal love anyway

You’ll know you’re but a prop In someone else’s mise en scene When, after the photo op And the choir’s said amen You’re left to close up shop

There are only two real superpowers: unacknowledged plagiarism and begrudging cooperation

Mother Goose was always considere… a good enough mother Until lately we realized her failure to smother It was unanimous

When at last my colleagues convinced me to go out after work and I’d relaxed enough to drop my… everyone could finally see my helm…

Unconditional love is unbearable so there’s always at least one unspoken rule given to its recipie… Just don’t waste it on them