That moment when you reclassify yourself from a mystery to an unsolved mystery
Gracious me! Now that college Has become a finishing school There are no starter homes
She was so cool that even her periods were fashionably late
The fatal mistake Is taking his weakness For kindness
I grew up in the Neighborhood of… where if someone already had their… it was usually based on something… Now I live in the Land of Make T… where if someone’s mind is already…
What would my life be like If I stopped worrying And trusted God completely? Instead of preparing for the worst And hoping for the best
Death and danger are our lot Look at what my kid can do is what’s been wrought
The Declaration of Independence w… revised to guarantee life, security and the pursuit of criminals
Faith can only move mountains by ignoring mountains of evidence Like most people who’ve lost their… I’ve retained my ability to ignore mountains of evidence
Nietzsche, who famously never marr… described marriage as a long conve… Had he wed he would have realized it’s actual… a series of brief interrogations
It was only after we debuted our sugar coated raisins to fight back against Craisins that I realized you could win hearts and minds
Paradoxically When you have a one-track mind Your body can go anywhere For your soul to accomplish anythi…
I thought they’d finally say Mea culpa But they still just said Me
In a twist in hell there are no consequences
My wife now relates to me very much as she does to stinky cheese